Five questions you should never ask an IAS aspirant

IAS Aspirant - She Knows Her Mind

By Scindhia Hallan

My sister is an IAS aspirant. For all those who are unaware, the UPSC exams are one of the toughest exams in the nation. It is so tough, that you actually get seven attempts to clear the examination - Yes you heard it right - Seven! My sister has already exhausted four but she refuses to budge from her dream of becoming an IAS officer.

First of all, I want to kick people who show that the process of becoming an IAS officer ridiculously easy in cinemas. Look at the movie Suryavamsam where in one scene the heroine decides to become an IAS and the next scene the heroine gets down from the train as a BAM!! IAS officer. In case you mistake her for somebody else, she has the tell tale bun and too-large glasses as she gets down from the train. Not to forget the stiff , I-refuse-to-wrinkle-cotton sari. The only person stiffer than her cotton sari would be the hero who proudly receives his now 'IAS' qualified wife. And to top it all, it all happens within one incredulous song. There is another song where the hero becomes a do-gooder-millionaire-turned-businessman. But that requires a separate blog post (I would not do justice to that by merely mentioning his success in passing.) In addition to it, it is totally irrelevant to the struggles of an IAS aspirant.

Movies have always exaggerated facets of real life or totally deviated from them. Otherwise who would want to watch their own boring lives on larger screens? Look at the movie Citizen where Nagma is portrayed as a district collector and  a strict one at that. But what I do not understand is why does she dress in pants in all other desk job scenes yet chooses to dress in a sari when she is actually chasing  a criminal? She cannot even hold her gun properly as her cotton sari is waging its own battle against the wind.

I have lost count of movies which show an unreal side to this whole IAS episode. If you ask my sister she would roll  her eyes (if she hadn't gotten her eyes glued to her eyebrows with all the rolling already). I have seen my sister toil night and day for her dream - face hardships that I don't think I ever would have handled. I just want to kick these movie personas who make IAS seem like just another job. So I have decided to write about things that never should be directed towards an IAS aspirant. 

When are you getting married?

Marriage in our society is not a choice but a necessity to survive only next to food, clothing an shelter. (Yes Maslow! you were wrong about your theory of need hierarchy. It does not apply to Indians.We do not want love, Marriage would suffice.) I have seen people forcing my sister to get married all the time. If not for my parents (not that she needed their protection) and her own sheer patience to handle idiots and will power to plough ahead, she would have been flooded with proposals and not even good ones while we are talking about it.

How will you become an IAS officer if you still waste time going to the gym?

Yes, she works out, people. What is wrong in it? She wants to be fit and alert in a world where threat is always imminent. How many ladies can confidently say that they have never faced any form of harassment? And what is the reaction when we are faced with one? To run in the opposite direction or silently suffer in pain. How many of us actually face the threat head on? And to face it, what do we need? Stamina and courage. And for people who can't understand, this is where fitness comes in.And Gym is a place where they train you to be fit.

Why are you playing the guitar when you should be studying?

Since when is not playing the guitar a determining factor for becoming an IAS officer? Guitar is her passion and hobby. How can a person study non-stop just because they have decided to pursue one of the most challenging exams in the nation. If its her means of relaxation after a gruelling day, let her be. In fact, I personally think she is spending her time better with  her guitar than answering unreasonable people all the time. If only her music can chase such people off. But she plays really well!

How many attempts are you going to make?

Short answer: None of your business.

Long answer: As long as I take to achieve what I want.

Even better: Why should I answer?

Here is my sister busting her ass chasing something that is so near yet so elusive. Good sensible people encourage her to never give up on her dreams But those people are so rare. What she has to deal with (and I'm talking about every single day) is the vast majority of judgmental-gossiping-exaggerating-questioning crowd who do not know the I from the A from the S of the IAS. What do you answer such people who have made demeaning you their life's mission? Maybe she should have reminded them: As long as I do not make an attempt to extinguish your miserable life, you need not worry about my OTHER attempts.

She has only limited choices here:

Pretend they do not exist. But they are like that irksome flies which even if you pretend doesn't exist come and sit on your food no matter how many times you shoo them away.

Ignore such people. Now here is a theoretical suggestion which is highly impractical because she has to operate with such people all the time. From freshers joining her institute who have no goddamn idea what they are getting into to the ever scrutinizing relatives who bombard her with burning family issues like marriage and cost to her family and she being a girl should not aim too high!

Now that brings me to the dumbest question on the list:

You are a girl. How long do you think you have?

Of all the excuses this gender excuse is the most detested by my sister and by me. What has being  a girl got to do with a million things in this country is above and beyond my average brain. My brain says, to get something you have to work hard and not lose focus. But the society says, you need to have a moustache or a beard or atleast balls to achieve what you want. Unless what you are trying to achieve is to look like a male, I do not agree or rather I agree with the last point purely in a figurative sense. And again why is there a time constraint on her just because she is a girl? What is she racing against? And what has she ever done to these mindless morons to judge her so. 

Now I think you are getting my drift. huh? Just leave such aspirants alone before their dreams die of asphyxiation from your mind numbing thoughts. They are better off preparing to take on the world than answering or even thinking about issues that recklessly pull them back from their ambitions.

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Tips for Preparing Your Hair Before the Wedding Day

By Scindhia Hallan

The wedding day is an important day and everything needs to be perfect for this great occasion. A lot of brides pay attention over the dress and make-up ignoring their crowning glory - the hair. Even the simplest of mistakes can make you feel bad on a day as big as your wedding day. The easiest way to take care of your hair problems are listed here.

Plan in advance

Unlike your dress, your hair needs a lot more time to cater to your needs. Plan at least four months in advance for this. If you have specific problems like dandruff, then treat them first before styling. Oils do wonder to your hair. They are available in a variety of fragrances too.

Here is the easiest route to a healthy hair if you prefer taking care of your hair at home. The results are great if you do it regularly.

Heat coconut oil in a pan.

Add four cloves of garlic and 1/2 tsp whole pepper

When it is mildly hot, remove it from flame.

Apply the concoction to your hair and massage gently for twenty minutes.

Leave it on for another half an hour.

Wash your hair using shampoo.

When this process is repeated regularly, the hair becomes glossy and gains more volume. The split ends at the end of the hair are also treated by this method. Apart from taking care of your hair, this kind of massage and the oil combination is proved to be effective to improve eyesight too. This is also a relief for constant headaches.

Study your face

A wedding is a big occasion and a special hairdo is a must. Thanks to the internet we have long grown out of a lot of traditional hairstyles. We do love them but we are nowhere limited by them. When it comes to the prefect hairdo, studying your facial features is very important. As we all know, the same hairstyle can look vastly different on two different people. How is your face? Is it oval or angular or round? What is your current hairstyle? Does it suit you well? Your hair can inversely highlight your best facial features sometimes.

Study your hair

The second step to any elegant hairstyle is to study your hair. A vast majority of us wish we had better hair in terms of length, volume or shine. It is very easy to exclude hair care and give excess attention to facials and other skin treatments. Regular exposure to the pollution that surrounds us may wreak havoc on the hair in the longer run. Smoke, heat, humidity are some of the common pollutants we encounter. Also common mistakes like washing your hair too often may rob the hair of its natural oils and leave is extremely dry and fizzy. There are a lot of keratin treatments available today. Whatever methods you choose, it is extremely important to prep your hair before actually indulging in a style.

Decide on your length

If you are planning on long hair for your wedding, do not cut your hair four months before the occasion. There are glamorous hairstyles available today for every length of hair. So do not fret if you have short hair. You can still make it look attractive.

Decide your style

If you want to go in for chemical straightening or coloring treatments involving a lot of chemicals, do it at least two months in advance. It will give you time to get adjusted to your new color. If you are interested in curls, decide on whether you want tight or loose curls as both look utterly different on the same face.

Decide on accessories

Whether your hair is long or short, accessories are a beautiful and elegant method to highlight your hair. There are a lot to choose from - hairbands, feathers, flowers and clips. If you have a short hair and are confused about what could be done, you can check brilliant hairstyles for short hairs here. Do not be afraid to experiment with accessories. What suits for one may not suit for the other.

Go for a trial

There is nothing more embarrassing than an awkward and uncomfortable hairstyle when a hundred pairs of eyes are looking at you. Go for a trial so that you look super confident and can pull off your new hairstyle with elegance on your D-day. It will also give you an idea of what to expect from your hair. Allow enough time to experiment with couple of styles and then choose the best suitable style.

Tips and tricks for short hair

When the hair is short, many think there is not much we can do with it. The secret lies in pairing the right accessories that will accentuate your hair style. Be it curls, spike or straight hair, accessories make a big difference to the whole style statement.

The easiest way to look attractive with a short hair is to curl it. You can experiment with tight curls, loose curls or the vintage look. Be careful when choosing the vintage curl as your make up has to greatly support your hairdo.

However you can do the same curls look a little more attractive with some extra jazz. If you love flowers to be a part of your wedding attire apart from the bouquet you carry around, you can think of arranging bright coloured flowers in your hair. This style looks great if you have asymmetric curls.

Tight curls are also a great choice. Pair the style with some subtle tattoos and you look absolutely stunning. Make sure you do not over do the tattoo thing as it will totally distract people from people actually noticing your hairstyle.

Simple bobs will always be in vogue as they are really pretty and easy to handle if you have a decent volume of short hair. Tiaras, hairbands and clips do wonders for these kinds of hairstyles. A wavy bob does not need accessories like a shiny band and straight bob which will look too plain without something to make it dazzling.

Also there is the pixie cut and spiked hair do for the daring which will look amazing with a little thought and design. 

So ladies, whether you are interested in waves, spikes or curls, pair it with different types of accessories to arrive at new trends. Don't hesitate to experiment with modern looks on your traditional day.

A wedding hairdo cannot be messed at the last minute. It should be tried and tested couple of times before the actual occasion so that you can decide on the appropriate accessories and feel comfortable wearing the same.

Image Credit: Pixabay

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History of the Engagement Ceremony

History of engagement - She Knows Her Mind

By Scindhia Hallan

Weddings are a grand celebration of give and take of love. With the passage of time, weddings have become more sophisticated and many of the traditions have lost their true meaning. But that doesn’t make weddings any less enjoyable. In the olden days be it the engagement or the wedding, they were simple ceremonies as opposed to the eloquent affair of today. As with every history lesson, the history of weddings is equally astonishing. Not much has changed in the wedding traditions that were carried through the middle ages to the contemporary period although slight modifications were inevitable. In the process many of the rituals even became out-dated. Even then the core portion of a tradition survived with peripheral changes taking place all the time. Such a survival of tradition puts forward the thought that against all the prejudices of a wedding, there are still millions of people who truly believe and follow the traditions without a second thought. I'm talking about not just one country but the world as a whole. I'm not a historian but a mere follower. But writing this article has made me wonder if I would ever be able to capture the whole history of our modern weddings. It is highly impossible but it is worth a try.

What is an engagement?

Engagement is the mutual promise of a man and a woman to marry each other. The period between the mutual consent and the wedding is technically the engagement or betrothal period. There is no strict time frame for this period. It is different in different cultures. In some cultures, it is merely days, while in some cultures it may be months. There are even cultures that decide the bride and the groom even when they are just kids. When they grow up, they are expected to marry each other. The word 'fiance' finds its roots from the Latin word, fidere which means 'to trust'.

In 860CE, it was Pope Nicholas I who made the engagement ceremony compulsory before a wedding.

The famous mention of a formal engagement ring occurs in the 15th century when Archduke Maximilian of Austria presented a diamond to Mary of Burgundy. It is believed that from here began the modern tradition of gifting a diamond engagement ring. Looks like this tradition is here to stay with all the Bollywood and Hollywood movies endorsing it with such vigor (Remember, the Oh my God! expression and tearful eyes)!

Dowry:

Negotiated matches or the modern arranged marriage were the first type of engagement ideas recorded. These included inputs from both the bride and the grooms' families. The engagement in short was nothing but a marriage contract with clearly laid terms and conditions. An integral part of this ceremony was the dowry. Though dowry finds no place in many of the western cultures, some parts of the east still continue to encourage this unnecessary practice. Dowry was recognized as price for the bride. The father of the bride paid the groom with cows, sheep, jewellery or land. In 1700BCE, Babylonians were said to have made a new decree about dowry. It was insisted that the dowry of a wife actually had to returned upon divorce or death of the wife without having any children.

Roman contributions:

In Roman Catholicism engagement or betrothal was considered equal to a marriage contract, which meant that they were legally husband and wife even before the actual wedding ceremony took place. Formal announcements were usually made in churches about the engagement. These were called banns.

The Romans were famous for their romantic engagement rings. One of the most well-known older rings was the Claddah ring which had the design of two hands holding a heart. Rings were a symbol of love and commitment for eternity. That's the reason they were round. The reason why they were worn on the fourth ring was that the Romans believed the fourth finger was made up of the 'vein of love' which connects to the heart.

The engagement party was usually hosted by the bride’s family. It was not recognized as an occasion for gifts. But modern day parties are more lavish.

When an engagement was broken, the woman had the right to keep the ring, but many women didn't do it as they thought it was not good manners. However if the ring that was gifted was part of a family heritage then the woman had to return it to the owner.

The Indian Perspective:

In a conservative culture like India, engagement is a big occasion. It is the first formal announcement about the wedding to the neighbors, friends and family. Normally the expenses of the ceremony are borne by the family of the bride. The relatives and friends of both the bride and groom are invited. The groom's family present some sort ofgold jewellery (mostly a gold chain) and a sari to the bride which the bride has to wear on the day of the engagement. Sisters of the groom if any play a big role during such occasions. They are the usual companions of the bride as she prepares herself to make a smooth transition to the groom's house from her own house. A grand lunch is organized formalizing the relationship.

In some cultures the groom is not included in the engagement ceremony. This is the first time that the bride meets the extended family of the groom and gets to know them and vice versa. Joint family system is still prevalent in many parts of India and all the elders of the family are treated with the same respect no matter the hierarchy in the family. Exchanging of the thamboolam (sacred offering) of both sides is also common. It consists of clothing, jewellery, flowers, money and other auspicious offerings depending on the cultural background. The length of the engagement ceremony also varies depending on the strength of the family and traditions involved. Whatever maybe the differences in culture, an engagement is seen as the first step towards the marital arrangements on both sides. 

Image Credit : Pixabay

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Career Building and Character Building Go Hand in Hand [#Short Story]

 

Career & Character Building - She Knows Her Mind

By Viji Bellie

A taxi dropped Vincent in front of the magnificent gates of that reputed office. The office was situated in a metropolitan city. The office campus gave a status symbol to its employees.

   On the way to the security cabin to complete the regular formalities, Vincent examined the campus. The plan of the building and the architecture was simply superb. Vincent realised that ‘man’ was taking huge strides in every field. Otherwise how could he come up with something so amazing? That work part of a task seemed to be simple for him. On other hand he had no idea about the nature and feeling of his own family members and his neighbours. And this emotional part of life seemed to be very difficult for him. What a strange mindset! This brought a smile to Vincent's lips.

As he finished his formalities at the security cabin, he smiled at the security officers, thanked them for their attention to detail and headed towards the main building. The security cabin crew was surprised as they never expected a man like Vincent to respect their work. It was a fact that generally they were not given much attention.

   But for Vincent, by God's grace, right from his school days through college he had been blessed with amazing teachers who gave priority to humanity through their respective subjects. They were his role-models. The Director of his previous educational institution where Vincent completed his post graduate degree, always kept reminding students to give respect and take respect.

  The Director used to say that, the security guard is the prime employee to any concern as only he can permit entry to any great organization. ‘The security team guarantees the security of the concern as well as the security of the employees. So learn to respect them. Teach your children to respect them’ he used to say. Vincent pondered his words.

   From the security cabin to main building, it was a fifteen minute walk. It seemed impossible for Vincent to walk alone. The building was swarming with people, but still strangle all of them were in their own worlds. He looked around. A group of people were walking towards the main building. A majority of them seemed to be divided into groups and they liked to talk only among themselves. A lot of people were walking alone even though they were having their colleagues walking alongside with them at their arm's stretch. May be they were belonging to different departments. But this seemed to be not fair. They were all working under one roof. They must have shown some familiarity with each other through their warm smile. But they were walking alone as if they were strangers to others and as if others were strangers to them.

   On seeing this, Vincent again remembered the version of the Director - that one who lacks the ability of mingling with people means he also lacks the ability of learning or moving ahead in life because communication is a basic human trait. Only by moving with people freely we can learn more about ourselves and others. This in turn influences more inventions and discoveries in human relations thus forging a positive bond. The whole process would be more helpful in our life time. And also it helps us to learn what to take and what to let go for our career building and character building.

     Vincent introduced himself to some people who were standing as a group. They looked like they a considerable work experience. "Hello I am Vincent. This is my first day in this office. I think you all are highly experienced in this field. I am very glad to meet you." He shook his hands with them. They gave a pause and looked at his bright face with warm smile and they instinctively responded to him. He slowly started making friends.

     12 months passed. All these months Vincent was the same old Vincent with a beaming face. His close friends knew the reason for it. As a fresher Vincent was compelled to have hot drinks in the week end parties. When he refused to take, his friends mocked at him to the core. "Are you still afraid of your parents? Or still you are depending on them? Are you a wall with no wishes or still are you in the opinion that you are a child?"

      Pat came the answer from Vincent. "Yes! my friends internally I am a five year old. Externally I am a sixteen year old student. My beloved grand father gave me this healthy suggestion which helped me a lot. My internal 5 year childhood mind is plain and simple with no complicated ill feelings like partiality, jealousy, unnecessary comparisons, over confidence or under confidence.”

       After a pause, Vincent continued, "My grand father told we must always be in the learning process. According to him the suitable age to understand and appreciate what learning is, is sixteen. He told me to assume myself as a five year old internally which helps in keeping my mind plain and fresh and sixteen externally which helps in the learning process with no diversion.

       And it helps a lot in due course of time. Whatever road you take your mind would be vivid. It helps you distinguish what to look and what to over look. And also it depends on the intensity of your positive rapport with your mind. The mega power of the mind will make everything possible to get positive results. In the process you become a gentleman who everyone would want to know and be inspired.”

        Vincent continued. “Now my grand father is no more. But his words still guide me. If I am looking as a mocking stock and if you people feel that I am not fit for your friendship circle where a girl friend and cocktail parties are necessary then, I am sorry. I am leaving. But I really wish you people know those blissful moments one day or the other."

        His friends were silent. As Vincent got up to leave, he knew that his friends would definitely think about what he had said earlier. Their minds were ready to open to the infinite positive possibilities of their lives. 

Image Credit : Pixabay

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The Woman Next Door

  

The Woman Next Door - She Knows Her Mind

By Scindhia Hallan

   I grew up in a house hold where women were empowered no matter whether they were educated or not. Unlike the popular belief, women can be empowered even without education. Yes, education is a tool for empowerment but not all empowerment is dependent on education. That is exactly what several of my grandmothers taught me. 

I came from a large family. By large I mean, I easily knew members of four different generations within the family. My great grandmother Seveny (on my mother’s side) had thirteen children. They were reasonably wealthy. My grandparents’ chief occupation was agriculture. No matter how much wealth you have, if you don’t work to preserve it, it is bound to drain. So the whole family was made to work on the farm. It was a period where boys were educated if the parents were wealthy and girls were seen as an household item bound to the kitchen relegated only to the duties of house keeping and child bearing. Neither was my great granny aggressive nor arrogant. She had been through the death of three babies and no matter what life threw at her, she never let go of her courage or thinking capacity. She was a typical uneducated rural woman with a large family but she made her own decisions and was the rock solid support to her kids and husband. She did not demand respect from her family, she earned it. When the family branched out into daughters, sons, grandchildren and great grand children, we were close to a hundred members. Even when she was ninety two, she remembered all the details of everyone in the family, whose husband worked where, how many grandkids for each family and what were they doing. She cared for them all. More than that she loved all of them and disciplined all of them with a quiet authority. But the most important feature among many of her positives that stood out for me was that she was always there for her children – especially the daughters. She had their backs, she would always remind them.

  Another one of my grandmothers Rani (my mother’s maternal aunt to be specific) did not have any children. We all know how the society treated a woman with no kids. She was married to a great man with an amazing attitude who earned a decent living. So she made up her mind to raise the kids of relatives. In those days, everyone worked on their farms to earn their livelihood and parents seldom had time to look after kids. Even babies were delegated to elderly knowledgeable neighbours while the parents toiled away for a secure future on their farms. Rani opened her doors to such children. She poured her heart and soul into raising them and educating them into doctors, professors and accountants thereby earning the gratitude of the parents of the children and the children themselves. She contributed to the society in her own way. Who has the heart to do such an act without any expectation in return? To love another child unconditionally, that too, not just once, more than ten times. She did what she wanted to do. No one forced her and she didn’t care if anyone judged her. She was empowered in her own way.

  My own grandmother Mitchi, was a wonder woman. With six children to feed and aged in-laws to look after, never once did she slowdown in life. With her husband being a business man at another city she alone took care of her entire family day and night. Probably that was why she was diagnosed with heart disease at a young age of 35. But that did not deter her. Not for one bit. She was an embodiment of optimism and love. She worked extremely hard to take care of her family and for the most part raised her kids as a single woman. She underwent open heart surgery at the age of 70 but that was just a hurdle in her long passionate journey called life. Even when faced with so many hardships in life, she did not forget to smile or live in the moment. Even the rare occasions with her husband were precious and full of love. Never a moment was a dull moment with her. She had an amazing passion for life which my mother inherited from her.

  My mother ventured into a lot of businesses time and again. Some took off, some did not work out, some people cheated her, some made her question her choices and analyse herself. But it didn’t matter. She always picked herself up and continued with a determined stride. Her optimism, her administration and governing skills in running our large family were legendary. She wasn’t what we would normally call authoritative but she had a way with people and an unparalleled passion for life. In all her adventures sometimes she cared about the destination, but most times it was the enriching journey she looked forward to. She always called a spade, a spade. Family members were scared of her if they did a mistake and had to meet her. She would give it right to their face that their attitude was not appreciated or encouraged. But the best part was she never carried over negative things. She would meet the same person she scolded the previous week with such a hearty smile that you wouldn’t believe that a negative incident had happened in the past. When I asked about it, she would simply say, that she detested their actions not themselves.

  We think empowerment comes from education or money. But true empowerment comes from within. Mental clarity empowers a woman. Understanding our own worth and our role in a household and the society and adding value to it is empowerment. No matter how much you earn or the highest degree you study there is no value to it if it doesn’t make you and the society around you better. These women, whom I told you about, did not have any fancy education or abnormal wealth. But they did their best with whatever life dealt with them. They took the ordinary and made them extraordinary. These are the women to be respected and celebrated.

  We always talk about women who succeed in a particular field or were pioneers in their field or had an amazing degree or travelled to exotic places. Yes, such women are worth appreciating and encouraging. But what about simple women who fight their own battles everyday without letting down their guards and succeeding throughout their lives. What about women who undergo many miseries yet groom their children as valuable and sensible citizens? What about the wives who keep their families in great shape without losing their actual identity? Those are the special category of women who deserve our respect and appreciation. Those are the women who are all around us for us to look up to when our own life gets too hard. She is in our home as a mother or aunt or grandmother. She is in our society as a neighbour and the mother of our friend. She is always there to show us that life truly can’t knock us down if we are not ready to be knocked down. She is the woman next door. 

Image Credit: Pixabay

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Big Cat, Small Cat - Practical Tips from two mother-in-laws [#Short Story]

 Big  Cat Small Cat - She Knows Her Mind

By Viji Bellie

Leena entered her destined place as a new bride. She was married to Shyam the day before yesterday. She was so tired with her marriage rituals and with her hectic schedule for the past one week. She really needed a sound sleep. How could she expect this in this new atmosphere especially being the centre of attraction?

She looked around for her husband hoping to get a chance to nap a bit. At some distance he seemed to be busy arranging some things with the help of his close friends. She could understand his exhaustion too but as he was engaged in such activities he seemed to be managing his exhaustion to some extent. But being here with her  own relatives on a big and beautiful mattress she was unable to cope with her position as a brand new bride. If only she could rest a little bit…

   Noticing all these from the distance, Shyam's grand mother Parvadham came towards Leena. From the beginning of her marriage proposal, Leena noticed that Shyam's grand mother was the 'Queen’ of this family and rightly so. Grandma Parvadham was smart. She was tall with a wheatish healthy build with an elegant dressing sense.Her husband Rajagopal was always proud of his position as being her King. All soft skills in her seem to be in the right proportion with her diplomacy in handling people of all age and the situations of all kind, in a graceful manner. Naturally she was a close yet strict friend to everyone in the family.

    Watching grand mother Parvadham walking towards her, Leena became a bit nervous. As a gesture of respect Leena tried to be on her feet. But Parvadham with a smiling face kept her hand on Leena's shoulder and gestured her to sit down."Leena, You look very tired. Go upstairs and rest for a while. You can join us for lunch later. We shall take care of your relatives." Then she gestured one of her relatives to take Leena to the bedroom upstairs.

   Leena was so relieved. She went upstairs. The room seemed to be comfortable. In a corner there was a medium size bed which was covered with a light colored designed bed spread which looked inviting to Lenna. She happily settled down and slept.

    After a sound sleep Leena woke up. She was so relaxed that she started  humming her favourite tune as she adjusted her dress and hair before going downstairs. Before she realized, Shyam entered into the room smiling. Leena didn’t know what to say and started blushing.

   Shyam said,'Do you know how many times I raced up and down to see if my angel was ready for lunch? But we must appreciate my grand mother's timely concern for your power nap. How do you feel now my sweet heart?" Blushing again Lenna said,"I am so sorry! I couldn't control my sleep. I must thank your grand mother.” With a smile and a nod, Shyam took her hand and led her down for lunch with the rest of the family.

   They reached the dining table where almost all relatives finished having their lunch. Leena could sense the teasing smile of the both families. Before things got complicated Parvadham came forward and held Leena's hand, "It's all right my child. Hope you feel better now. We all had our lunch. Never mind. You can enjoy your lunch with your husband." She winked at Leena.

   The next day all the relatives of the bride left Leena behind with so many suggestions. In fact Leena couldn't remember many things. Leaving everything behind she tried her best to be present in the present.

    Both Shyam and Leena had almost fifteen days in hand out of thirty days sanctioned for their marriage by their respective offices. They had to consult among themselves and with their family members about their honeymoon dates as the new couple were invited for lunch or dinner to the houses of various relatives. While talking with her family members, Leena found out that Shyam's parents Krishna kumar and Seetha both being a working couple, didn’t find any difficulty with their every day's schedule at home as well as at their working place. Seetha was also very comfortable as a daughter-in-law in that house.

    The open secret was disclosed very practically in the next few days. Leena soon learnt that all family members honoured their roles. They respected each other. No egos, no pretensions, no complexes and certainly no negative vibrations. Hearty inquiries by every one about everything like have you had nice sleep? or How is your project going? Both Parvadham and Seetha, before they went to bed scheduled their next two days program with their family members. Starting from their breakfast menu everything was discussed in detail. This planned schedule lead to the smooth sailing of the family.

    During the discussions they consulted the whole family members whether they were comfortable with their own schedule. First and third week end of a month would be the senior couple's week end (Rajagopal and Parvadham).The second and fourth week end would be the junior couple's week end (Krishna kumar and Seetha's). While the former took care of the home the latter couple had that day to take a break and do whatever they wanted to do. The next week the senior couple took a break. This plan gave the whole family a good space and privacy and they had many rich experiences together.

      One evening, Seetha was in the kitchen preparing some evening snacks for the family. Leena entered the kitchen to help her mother-in-law. Seetha turned to Leena,"So you people enjoyed your holidays nicely. Didn't you? "Of course ma" Leena replied with happiness. Watching her happy face Seetha continued, "You are looking so happy. Preserve this happiness for ever. This is the pride of this family. I would like to say one thing. Would you lend your ear to me?" Seetha asked in a genuine voice.

  "I am always ready to lend my ear ma! Please go ahead" Leena said politely. Seetha very casually continued as if she was talking to her close friend,"Leena, since your arrival to this beloved family, your observation of our family matters seems to be a good signal for me to discuss this matter with you personally. You see!I would like you to know that, we family members do not come between you and Shyam, you and your birth place, you and your friends and you and your office.In the same way if you don't let all these relations to come between us,I mean between you and this beautiful family for the sake of the pride of this family, I feel this is the best way to honor our roles. All these years I have been following this strategy and it works. How do you feel about this suggestion.?"

    "Wonderful ma! As a living example you are here, following that fantastic strategy to run this family successfully. The day you people selected me for Shyam, I started loving our beloved family. True love of our family members brings miracles into our family. I promise I will do my best to be a good family partner." Seetha hugged her daughter -in-law as if she was her own daughter. Rightly Leena also felt so.

   After having their evening snacks with coffee, Parvadham called Leena for a walk. Leena could understand that like Seetha her mother -in-law, Seetha's mother-in-law wanted to say something to her too. Leena couldn't help admiring Parvadham's strong nature. She wondered how it was possible for an eighty year old lady to cope with all family members preserving her own pride and prestige. They reached the nearby park.

   They seated comfortably on a park bench and enjoyed watching people of different age playing different games. Leena waited for some time. She could sense Parvadham's ‘how to start’ expression. Holding Parvadham's hand,"Would you like to say something grandma?" Leena asked politely. With a calculating look Parvadham said,"How shrewd you are my child! Yes I would like to say something but I wonder with what words I can fill up this generation gap."

"Not with words grandma, with love. Love can fill any generation gap” said Leena with a smiling face.

“My God! Thanks a lot. Our family is blessed with a shrewd and sensible grand daughter” said Parvadham. She kept her warm palm on Leena’s plump cheek, "My child I needn't say anything else.You are a born well wisher.A born well wisher would bring all forms of wealth to a family." She continued.

   “Assume you are a small cat. Your elders are the big cats. I mean let your parents-in-laws be Tiger and Tigress. Let them have their own pride and prestige. Never let them down. Respect them. Be a good listener. One day you will learn all tactics and strategies through proper training from them either directly or indirectly to become a big cat I mean a Tigress yourself to rule and support your family when the proper time comes. You will have the same capability to guide your next generation small cats to become big cats. Have I made myself clear?”

   "Hundred Percent grandma"Leena assured her. To her surprise both ladies uttered the same suggestion with different version for the welfare of the family. Leena silently took a resolution that whether she was in the position of small cat or big cat she must put her whole efforts to strengthen her family. She knew she was not alone. Seetha ma and grandma Parvatham were always by her side. She couldn’t ask for a better family. Together Lenna and Parvadham gazed at the children playing in the park as the sun set behind them promising thousands of better tomorrows.

Image Credit : Pixabay

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The Significance of Traditional Indian Wedding Jewellery

Meaning of wedding ornamnets - She Knows Her Mind

By Scindhia Hallan

Ornaments are an integral part of an Indian wedding. It is such a big deal in India, that purchasing bridal jewellery is actually an occasion of sorts with all the brides relatives being invited by the bride’s parents for selecting the jewellery that the bride would wear on the wedding day. In a country as diverse as India, with so many bridal customs and bridal wear, the jewellery too varies with different states.Some of these pieces are worn regularly after wedding. Though these are common ornaments most of us have never really understood the importance of it. My focus is mainly on jewels used by Tamil women after marriage but the same jewel can have a modified version in some other part of India. After all India is a country full of cultural richness. We are similar yet different in so many ways.

The ornaments given here not only make the bride beautiful but also bring her good health, safety and luck according to ancient Hindu beliefs. Unlike today, almost all jewels in ancient India were custom made for the bride. There are different jewels designed for different parts of the body. Some are outdated and are not seen regularly while some are common even today.

In Tamil culture, the Tamil goddess is said to be adorned with five ornaments – Seevagasinthamani (for the head), Manimeghalai(for the waist), Valayapathi(for the hands), Kundalakesi(for the ears) and Silapadhikaram (for the legs).

Nethichutti ( Forehead)

Chutti is the ornament which is worn on top the forehead. The place where it falls loosely on the forehead is believed to have the intellectual chakra. The pressure of the ornament stimulates the brain and thinking. Traditional chuttis are round and they are made of stones or pearls and are heavier than what is available in the market today. The modern woman prefers various models in the design instead of the traditional circular one.

Mookuthi (Nose)

Mookuthi is otherwise called as nose ring. In some cultures it is used to symbolize the virginity of the bride and is worn only before marriage. But in the culture of the south, mookuthi is the symbol of a wedded woman. It is said to remind the wife that she must learn to master her anger since her anger can destroy the whole family. Tamilians associate nose with the virtue of anger. Today, mostly mookuthi is worn on only one side of the nose unlike the ancient times where it was worn on both sides.

Kammal (Ear)

Kammal or earring is an auspicious ornament of the bride. It is a symbol to ward off evil spirits. The location is also a pressure point and serves as an acupuncture point. Traditional women wore Jimkis (round umbrella shaped earrings). Today earrings are easily the largest diversified ornaments with thousands of new designs releasing every year.

Thali (Neck)

Thali is the holy thread that pronounces a man and woman as husband and wife. It is also called Mangal sutra in the northern part of India. Mangal means holy, sutra means thread. It is an ornament that is tied close to the heart to remind that the heart belongs to only her husband. It is synonymous with wedding rings in the west. There are a lot of designs of mangal sutra depending on the caste of the person. Even in Tamil Nadu each sub caste has a different design of mangal sutra. This is the most important piece of wedding jewellery. The tying of the mangal sutra is a staunch declaration of the couple being formally pronounced as man and wife.

Valayal (Hands)

Valayal or bangles is another jewel which is closely associated with the well being of the husband. It symbolizes that the husband and wife belong to each other and their love is divine. Just like the bangle is one circle with no divisions, the couple too must be of one heart and soul. In the south, green colored bangles are believed to bring prosperity to the bride. In certain other culture glass bangles and ivory bangles are preferred.

Modhiram (Fingers)

This is the Tamil version of the wedding/engagement rings.It is worn on the ring finger and is usually a thin band of gold. It is believed that wearing a metal on the ring finger stimulates the connectivity of the brain. In some customs, multiple rings are worn in the fingers and a joined by a palm ornament. This can be seen especially in north Indian weddings. In certain cultures silver rings are worn along with golden rings during the wedding day.

Ottiyanam (Hip)

Ottiyanam is an ornament worn around the hip. It is a symbol of authority in the household as women hang their wardrobe and house keys in this ornament. During the ancient period, all married women wore this. But this is not a common ornament today. It can be seen only during weddings as part of the ceremony. Some girls even wear it on family occasions other than weddings too. In reality, it is no longer associated with a wedded woman.

Kolusu (Ankle)

Kolusu or anklet is worn around the ankle as a loose chain of silver. It used to be a single silver thread. But today it is made out of silver and mixed gold and is also used as a casual ornament. In the olden days, the husband knew when the wife was approaching him from the sound of the bells from the kolusu. It is even available in two tier and three tier designs. It can be made as a hefty or light ornament according to preference. Wearing it in pure gold is not allowed in many of the cultures.

Metti (Toes)

Metti or the toe ring is a symbol of a married woman next to the mangal sutra. It is presented by the husband to the wife during the marriage ceremony. It is usually worn in twos in silver metal. The toe next to the big toe is said to have a nerve passing through uterus. Wearing a metti keeps that particular nerve safe. Nowadays this toe ring is worn as a fashion statement and is available in a variety of metals.

Image credit: Pixabay

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