History of the Engagement Ceremony

History of engagement - She Knows Her Mind

By Scindhia Hallan

Weddings are a grand celebration of give and take of love. With the passage of time, weddings have become more sophisticated and many of the traditions have lost their true meaning. But that doesn’t make weddings any less enjoyable. In the olden days be it the engagement or the wedding, they were simple ceremonies as opposed to the eloquent affair of today. As with every history lesson, the history of weddings is equally astonishing. Not much has changed in the wedding traditions that were carried through the middle ages to the contemporary period although slight modifications were inevitable. In the process many of the rituals even became out-dated. Even then the core portion of a tradition survived with peripheral changes taking place all the time. Such a survival of tradition puts forward the thought that against all the prejudices of a wedding, there are still millions of people who truly believe and follow the traditions without a second thought. I'm talking about not just one country but the world as a whole. I'm not a historian but a mere follower. But writing this article has made me wonder if I would ever be able to capture the whole history of our modern weddings. It is highly impossible but it is worth a try.

What is an engagement?

Engagement is the mutual promise of a man and a woman to marry each other. The period between the mutual consent and the wedding is technically the engagement or betrothal period. There is no strict time frame for this period. It is different in different cultures. In some cultures, it is merely days, while in some cultures it may be months. There are even cultures that decide the bride and the groom even when they are just kids. When they grow up, they are expected to marry each other. The word 'fiance' finds its roots from the Latin word, fidere which means 'to trust'.

In 860CE, it was Pope Nicholas I who made the engagement ceremony compulsory before a wedding.

The famous mention of a formal engagement ring occurs in the 15th century when Archduke Maximilian of Austria presented a diamond to Mary of Burgundy. It is believed that from here began the modern tradition of gifting a diamond engagement ring. Looks like this tradition is here to stay with all the Bollywood and Hollywood movies endorsing it with such vigor (Remember, the Oh my God! expression and tearful eyes)!

Dowry:

Negotiated matches or the modern arranged marriage were the first type of engagement ideas recorded. These included inputs from both the bride and the grooms' families. The engagement in short was nothing but a marriage contract with clearly laid terms and conditions. An integral part of this ceremony was the dowry. Though dowry finds no place in many of the western cultures, some parts of the east still continue to encourage this unnecessary practice. Dowry was recognized as price for the bride. The father of the bride paid the groom with cows, sheep, jewellery or land. In 1700BCE, Babylonians were said to have made a new decree about dowry. It was insisted that the dowry of a wife actually had to returned upon divorce or death of the wife without having any children.

Roman contributions:

In Roman Catholicism engagement or betrothal was considered equal to a marriage contract, which meant that they were legally husband and wife even before the actual wedding ceremony took place. Formal announcements were usually made in churches about the engagement. These were called banns.

The Romans were famous for their romantic engagement rings. One of the most well-known older rings was the Claddah ring which had the design of two hands holding a heart. Rings were a symbol of love and commitment for eternity. That's the reason they were round. The reason why they were worn on the fourth ring was that the Romans believed the fourth finger was made up of the 'vein of love' which connects to the heart.

The engagement party was usually hosted by the bride’s family. It was not recognized as an occasion for gifts. But modern day parties are more lavish.

When an engagement was broken, the woman had the right to keep the ring, but many women didn't do it as they thought it was not good manners. However if the ring that was gifted was part of a family heritage then the woman had to return it to the owner.

The Indian Perspective:

In a conservative culture like India, engagement is a big occasion. It is the first formal announcement about the wedding to the neighbors, friends and family. Normally the expenses of the ceremony are borne by the family of the bride. The relatives and friends of both the bride and groom are invited. The groom's family present some sort ofgold jewellery (mostly a gold chain) and a sari to the bride which the bride has to wear on the day of the engagement. Sisters of the groom if any play a big role during such occasions. They are the usual companions of the bride as she prepares herself to make a smooth transition to the groom's house from her own house. A grand lunch is organized formalizing the relationship.

In some cultures the groom is not included in the engagement ceremony. This is the first time that the bride meets the extended family of the groom and gets to know them and vice versa. Joint family system is still prevalent in many parts of India and all the elders of the family are treated with the same respect no matter the hierarchy in the family. Exchanging of the thamboolam (sacred offering) of both sides is also common. It consists of clothing, jewellery, flowers, money and other auspicious offerings depending on the cultural background. The length of the engagement ceremony also varies depending on the strength of the family and traditions involved. Whatever maybe the differences in culture, an engagement is seen as the first step towards the marital arrangements on both sides. 

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