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| The Woman Next Door - She Knows Her Mind |
By Scindhia Hallan
I grew up in a house hold where women were empowered no matter whether they were educated or not. Unlike the popular belief, women can be empowered even without education. Yes, education is a tool for empowerment but not all empowerment is dependent on education. That is exactly what several of my grandmothers taught me.
I came from a large family. By large I mean, I easily knew members of four different generations within the family. My great grandmother Seveny (on my mother’s side) had thirteen children. They were reasonably wealthy. My grandparents’ chief occupation was agriculture. No matter how much wealth you have, if you don’t work to preserve it, it is bound to drain. So the whole family was made to work on the farm. It was a period where boys were educated if the parents were wealthy and girls were seen as an household item bound to the kitchen relegated only to the duties of house keeping and child bearing. Neither was my great granny aggressive nor arrogant. She had been through the death of three babies and no matter what life threw at her, she never let go of her courage or thinking capacity. She was a typical uneducated rural woman with a large family but she made her own decisions and was the rock solid support to her kids and husband. She did not demand respect from her family, she earned it. When the family branched out into daughters, sons, grandchildren and great grand children, we were close to a hundred members. Even when she was ninety two, she remembered all the details of everyone in the family, whose husband worked where, how many grandkids for each family and what were they doing. She cared for them all. More than that she loved all of them and disciplined all of them with a quiet authority. But the most important feature among many of her positives that stood out for me was that she was always there for her children – especially the daughters. She had their backs, she would always remind them.
I came from a large family. By large I mean, I easily knew members of four different generations within the family. My great grandmother Seveny (on my mother’s side) had thirteen children. They were reasonably wealthy. My grandparents’ chief occupation was agriculture. No matter how much wealth you have, if you don’t work to preserve it, it is bound to drain. So the whole family was made to work on the farm. It was a period where boys were educated if the parents were wealthy and girls were seen as an household item bound to the kitchen relegated only to the duties of house keeping and child bearing. Neither was my great granny aggressive nor arrogant. She had been through the death of three babies and no matter what life threw at her, she never let go of her courage or thinking capacity. She was a typical uneducated rural woman with a large family but she made her own decisions and was the rock solid support to her kids and husband. She did not demand respect from her family, she earned it. When the family branched out into daughters, sons, grandchildren and great grand children, we were close to a hundred members. Even when she was ninety two, she remembered all the details of everyone in the family, whose husband worked where, how many grandkids for each family and what were they doing. She cared for them all. More than that she loved all of them and disciplined all of them with a quiet authority. But the most important feature among many of her positives that stood out for me was that she was always there for her children – especially the daughters. She had their backs, she would always remind them.
Another one of my grandmothers Rani (my
mother’s maternal aunt to be specific) did not have any children. We all know
how the society treated a woman with no kids. She was married to a great man
with an amazing attitude who earned a decent living. So she made up her mind to
raise the kids of relatives. In those days, everyone worked on their farms to
earn their livelihood and parents seldom had time to look after kids. Even
babies were delegated to elderly knowledgeable neighbours while the parents
toiled away for a secure future on their farms. Rani opened her doors to such
children. She poured her heart and soul into raising them and educating them
into doctors, professors and accountants thereby earning the gratitude of the
parents of the children and the children themselves. She contributed to the
society in her own way. Who has the heart to do such an act without any
expectation in return? To love another child unconditionally, that too, not
just once, more than ten times. She did what she wanted to do. No one forced
her and she didn’t care if anyone judged her. She was empowered in her own way.
My own grandmother Mitchi, was a wonder
woman. With six children to feed and aged in-laws to look after, never once did
she slowdown in life. With her husband being a business man at another city she
alone took care of her entire family day and night. Probably that was why she
was diagnosed with heart disease at a young age of 35. But that did not deter her.
Not for one bit. She was an embodiment of optimism and love. She worked
extremely hard to take care of her family and for the most part raised her kids
as a single woman. She underwent open heart surgery at the age of 70 but that
was just a hurdle in her long passionate journey called life. Even when faced
with so many hardships in life, she did not forget to smile or live in the
moment. Even the rare occasions with her husband were precious and full of
love. Never a moment was a dull moment with her. She had an amazing passion for
life which my mother inherited from her.
My mother ventured into a lot of businesses
time and again. Some took off, some did not work out, some people cheated her,
some made her question her choices and analyse herself. But it didn’t matter.
She always picked herself up and continued with a determined stride. Her
optimism, her administration and governing skills in running our large family
were legendary. She wasn’t what we would normally call authoritative but she
had a way with people and an unparalleled passion for life. In all her
adventures sometimes she cared about the destination, but most times it was the
enriching journey she looked forward to. She always called a spade, a spade.
Family members were scared of her if they did a mistake and had to meet her.
She would give it right to their face that their attitude was not appreciated
or encouraged. But the best part was she never carried over negative things.
She would meet the same person she scolded the previous week with such a hearty
smile that you wouldn’t believe that a negative incident had happened in the
past. When I asked about it, she would simply say, that she detested their
actions not themselves.
We think empowerment comes from education or
money. But true empowerment comes from within. Mental clarity empowers a woman.
Understanding our own worth and our role in a household and the society and
adding value to it is empowerment. No matter how much you earn or the highest
degree you study there is no value to it if it doesn’t make you and the society
around you better. These women, whom I told you about, did not have any fancy
education or abnormal wealth. But they did their best with whatever life dealt
with them. They took the ordinary and made them extraordinary. These are the
women to be respected and celebrated.
We always talk about women who succeed in a
particular field or were pioneers in their field or had an amazing degree or
travelled to exotic places. Yes, such women are worth appreciating and
encouraging. But what about simple women who fight their own battles everyday without
letting down their guards and succeeding throughout their lives. What about
women who undergo many miseries yet groom their children as valuable and
sensible citizens? What about the wives who keep their families in great shape
without losing their actual identity? Those are the special category of women
who deserve our respect and appreciation. Those are the women who are all
around us for us to look up to when our own life gets too hard. She is in our
home as a mother or aunt or grandmother. She is in our society as a neighbour
and the mother of our friend. She is always there to show us that life truly
can’t knock us down if we are not ready to be knocked down. She is the woman
next door.
Image Credit: Pixabay
Image Credit: Pixabay
